Beauty is Pain

Ch 1

I hate leaving my house. When I leave my house, something always goes wrong. Today was no exception.
This is my stupidly amazing life story.

I have to go to school at least 80% of the time and I’ve already skipped a lot. My mom would skin me if I don’t pass and you need attendance to pass.
I sigh as I open my front door. I lock the door and begin to run.

“It’s Anthony!”
“Anthony!”
“My daughters are single!”
“You can have me instead ”
“Have my grandchildren!”

Lord, the Moms never give me a break. They are my first hurdle. Get through the neighborhood and to the bus. It takes 5 minutes. The longest five minutes of my life happens every single day. Next comes the stray animals. And I say stray as in every bird, cat, dog, etc. that lives in this area. All of them attack, but they attack like they’re in heat. I just want to make it to the bus. Why can’t I just get to the bus?
With seconds to spare, I make the bus that almost left. It’s a 5 minute walk to the bus, a 15 minute ride to the ferry, half-hour ferry ride and 30 minute on the train. Can I make it to school today?

My mom says that God gave me the gift of “sexiness”. Coming from her, I was already shivering, but after experiencing this mayhem for as long as I can remember I can’t see how she isn’t right.
I just got on the bus and every man and woman on this bus looks like they about to jump me. I would stay close to the bus driver if I didn’t know better. But I do know better and I know that the driver would be too distracted to drive because they wanted to cop a feel.

Just 1 hour and 15 minutes until the real trial. Will I make it until then?

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